


Can't live without you.

by hopelessloner



Category: Produce 101 (TV), UP10TION, X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Feelings, Fights, Longing, M/M, Missing You, Realization, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-09-09 09:40:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20301574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopelessloner/pseuds/hopelessloner
Summary: After a heated fight caused by wooseok's actions and oblivion, jinhyuk leaves their shared apartment. And it's then when wooseok realises how important his boyfriend's presence is and how he took him for granted.





	Can't live without you.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I feel like this fic is really lacking but I still wanna share it with you guys. I hope you enjoy reading it! ^^  
Again, I want to say that english isn't my first language.

" I can't do this anymore! " Jinhyuk shouted as he punched the wall with his fist.

Wooseok looked up at him with his hands clenched into shaking fists as a tear traced down his cheek. 

" I can't put up with your crazy moodswings anymore! No matter.. how many times I try to make you happy.. I always fail! You never like anything I do for you! And your.. your indecisiveness! It's so frustrating it makes me go mad! I'm sick of this whole life because of you!" Jinhyuk shouted as loud as he could with tears rolling down over his cheeks.

Their argument grew out of nowhere into a big storm. A storm that doesn't seem to be coming to an end any time soon.

It all started after wooseok lost his job. Ever since that happened, he became so stressed and irritated, exploding with built anger and lashing out at his boyfriend jinhyuk from time to time.

Despite that, Jinhyuk always tried to be patient with him. He tried his best to cheer him up and encourage him. He knew that wooseok was the way he was, because of all the hardships he was going through. He knew very well that as his lover he has to be there for him and it's now when he needs him the most.

But jinhyuk is also human.

He couldn't help but feel hurt and angry, everytime wooseok lashed out at him. He started feeling lonely too, since wooseok was out of the house most of the time, and even when he wasn't, he was always lost in his own world, ignoring all of jinhyuk's affection and efforts.

Jinhyuk held it all in. He never complained or scolded him, though he wanted to most of the time. 

He loved him. He loved him so much that he was afraid he would lose him if he said anything. He just chose to wait for him to change and go back to the way he was.

But he knew his anger was going to explode oneday..

And here they're..

Standing face to face in the living room of their small apartment, their eyes red and puffy from crying.

" Then, why are you.. Why are you still here with me ? " Wooseok finally broke the silence.

" Wh- What do you mean ? " Jinhyuk looked at him in surprise.

" Everything you said is true.. I know I'm just a loser! And I'm sick of myself too! But why are you still here with me if I make you sick of life ? If it's so hard for you to handle me and live with me.. If you don't.. love me anymore.. what's the point of staying here with me ? " Wooseok exclaimed.

" So.. are you saying that I should just leave ? " Jinhyuk said, as he looked deep into wooseok's eyes.

Wooseok averted his gaze, his lips trembling with words he doesn't have the strenght to say out loud. And just as he thought he was done crying, he felt tears dripping from his eyes again.

Jinhyuk froze there for a moment. But soon enough, he was in their bedroom, angrily packing all his clothes in a suitcase.

Wooseok didn't move. He was still standing there in the same spot. Everything around him was a blur. He didn't know what to do.

Jinhyuk walked fastly towards the door, pulling his suitcase sloppily.

Just as he was about to leave and close the door. Wooseok said in a voice near a whisper:

" I'm sorry.. " 

Jinhyuk left. Wooseok fell down on his knees and started sobbing.

Now, he really lost everything. The only joy and light in his life, also left him because of how terrible of a person he was. He thought to himself.

Weeks went by, and wooseok only left the house to buy food. He also didn't do anything other than watching tv and eating unhealthy junk food.

The house was a mess.. Of course since it was Jinhyuk who did all the chores.

Wooseok barely slept, not only because of his guilty and longing heart, but also because it was always jinhyuk who put him to sleep. He softly sang to him and patted him until he drifted away to dreamland. Why is he only realising this now ?

Everytime he came back home, he saw flashbacks of jinhyuk running to him ,wearing his white cooking apron, and pulling him into a tight hug while whispering how much he missed him into his ear.

He saw jinhyuk's shadow in every corner of their small apartment. He deeply missed his presence, his being, and everything about him.

How could he lose such a great person ? How could he hurt him like that while being aware of how fragile and delicate his heart was ? How could he ignore him like that ? 

He did his best in everything, he never let him down, he was always there.. And this is what he gets ? 

Wooseok wept, tears streaming of his deep beautiful eyes. He knew he behaved the way he did because of how depressed and tired he was, but still.. He shoud've been better. Because Jinhyuk deserves better.. Jinhyuk doesn't deserve to be treated like that. Jinhyuk doesn't deserve to be lashed out at like that... He should've just accepted his help.. He's just a jerk.. A loser. A coward who pretends to be tough! 

Days later, after wooseok spent his time thinking about everything and reflecting on his past actions and himself, he finally decided he should do something.

He realised that enough is enough. It was time for him to get it together.

He realised he should try to do something. He should make some effort. 

So he started searching for a job again.

And after many failed trials, he finally found one. Not as good as his previous job, but he still accepted it because he had no other choice.

He also decided to work a part time job too. And soon enough, all his time was filled with working none stop.

But of course, thoughts about his lover never left his mind. And the guilt was always there torturing him. And the longing was so intense, that it was physically painful.

He started cooking his own meals, and even though it never tasted as good as jinhyuk's food, it was better than all the unhealthy food he was eating.

He hated night, and sleep time. It made him miss the warm and big embrace he lost even more. 

He slowly became better than he was before. And it was all thanks to jinhyuk. He remembered everything that he told him and he didn't pay attention to in the past. He remembered all his efforts to cheer him up and make him happy, and thought that they shouldn't be in vain.

But little did he know, that the guy he never stopped thinking about, was as guilty and worried as him, if not more.

Jinhyuk, on the other hand, was staying with his friend seungwoo in his little messy apartment.

He went to work everyday, went back to seungwoo's house and cooked a delicious dinner for him, just like he used to do with his boyfriend.

He acted as if everything was fine, and didn't even bring anything up. Even when seungwoo kept annoying him with his questions about what happened, he just didn't want to explain or talk about it at all. He just said that, he had to stay with him until he found a good apartment to move into.

But deep inside, he wasn't okay. Of course he wasn't.

He barely slept too. He spent his nights worrying about what might happen to his lover, wooseok. He wondered what he was doing all the time. He wondered if he was eating well, or eating at all.He wondered if he hurt him too much when he angrily said he was sick of everything. His heart would suddenly start aching at the thought of something bad happening to him.

What if he's starving himself ? What if he's dehydrated ? What if he's sick ? What if he... harmed himself ?

He tossed and turned in his bed trying to get some sleep so he can find the strength to go to work tomorrow.

But his none ending thoughts kept him sleepless. Now, even sleeping became a chore for him.

Everyday, he held his phone, composed the number, and hesitated for hours and hours, if he should call him or not.

But in the end, he would decide not to.

" Why didn't he call me ? He's the one who doesn't love me anymore. He's the one who asked me to leave. " He thought to himself.

But he just wanted to know, how he's doing. He was too worried something bad might have happened to him. He didn't even have a job, and he had a little amount of money.. 

On the other hand, wooseok already knew everything about how jinhyuk was doing from his friend seungwoo.

He wanted to call him too, he missed his lovely voice more than he can describe. 

But he was afraid he would make matters worse. He wasn't really sure of what to say, and he was the kind of person who was unfortunately not good with words.

Days went by like that, and the two of them were slowly growing tired of the way everything was. 

Wooseok was so lonely, and guilty about everything. Jinhyuk was so tired and negative and anxious thoughts never left his mind.

One of them had to do something. They can't continue on living like this. They should put an end to all of this misery they were living in.

It was always jinhyuk, the one giving more, and putting more effort in their relationship. So, this time, it's wooseok who decided he should do something.

It was 8PM. Wooseok decided to skip his part job that night because he had far more important things to do.

It was about time jinhyuk left work. So he decided he should wait for him in seungwoo's apartment, after of course telling seungwoo about everything.

He sat in the little living room on an uncomfortable long black couch where he assumed jinhyuk was sleeping. He kept looking around the apartment until he heard footstep sounds nearing the door. His heart started beating so fast, sweat formed on his forehead and he felt like he forgot everything he wanted to say. 

Jinhyuk entered the house, to find his boyfriend standing there infront of him.

His eyes widened and his ears turned as red as the shirt he was wearing, as he was taken aback by wooseok's sudden appearance.

" You're.. alive. " Jinhyuk said as he broke the silence that lingered for a long period of time.

" Am I ? Ah, yeah I guess ! " Wooseok said after hesitating.

" W- Why are you here ? " 

" I-.. I " Wooseok found himself unable to say anything as the tears he tried hard to fight back finally escaped.

Jinhyuk didn't say anything. He kept staring at the crying guy infront of him, barely holding himself back from hugging and comforting him. 

" I'm sorry Jinhyuk! I'm sorry.. For everything.. I don't even deserve you! I'm sorry for hurting you! I always knew how precious you were, but after you left I realised it even more, because I really can't live without you! I really need you. I can't even breathe properly. I was living in darkness all this time without you, you were my joy.. You were my everything! I'm sorry jinhyuk! I'm sorry! " Wooseok cried out.

" But why... why did you want me to leave ? " Jinhyuk said in a very low voice, while looking at everything but wooseok's eyes.

" I didn't want you to leave... But I just felt bad! I felt bad that you were hurting because of me! I felt like I didn't deserve you at all.. I didn't deserve to have someone like you by my side... " 

And then, they were silent again. Wooseok was gasping for air, and wiping his tears away. While jinhyuk, was just speechless, overwhelmed with emotions.

" And... how is it going for you ? Since you don't have a jo- " Jinhyuk finally said something.

" I found a new job.. All I do is work now. I'm finally doing everything you were encouraging me to do in the past. I realised you were right in everything you said.. And I know.. it's too late. " Wooseok said as sadness and regret were apparent on his face.

" I'm.. I'm relieved that you're better now.. I was very worried.. " 

" You ? You were worried about me ? " 

Jinhyuk didn't answer, he instead looked away as he tried to hide the rosiness in his cheeks using his long fingers.

" So, you... You still think about me sometimes ? " 

" Wooseok... Of course I do! And it's not sometimes, it's all the time! Do you think it's easy for me to just forget everything about you and move on ? If you think so then I'm offended, because my love for you is a lot bigger and deeper than that!! And I regret saying what I said that night! No matter how annoyed and annoying you are, I always love you and never get sick of you!And I-.. I'm sorry for what I said! I take it back.. " Jinhyuk finally snapped, but soon after that he realised what he just said and looked away blushing again.

Wooseok couldn't hold back his smile, and soon he broke into a fit of giggles while staring at his boyfriend's burning red face.

" You're laughing ? You think it's funny ? " 

" No, but it's just.. You're so cute that I can't help but smile.. " 

Jinhyuk tried his best to pretend that he was angry, but he couldn't hold back his smile for too long.

" Jinhyuk.. I really love you. I love you so much. And I can't imagine my life without you "

Wooseok moved closer to his lover, until there was only a little space left between them.

He whispered a soft and breathy " I missed you " then stood on tiptoes and pressed a little and sweet peck on his boyfriend's lips.

He then pulled him into a tight hug, with his head resting on his chest.

" Your.. heart is beating so fast. " Wooseok said shyly.

" I know.. I.. I can feel it too. " 

Wooseok smiled then pulled back from his boyfriend, and started packing his clothes into the suitcase.

" Let's go home.. Okay ? " Wooseok asked after hesitating.

" Okay. " Jinhyuk said, giving his boyfriend a reassuring and warm smile.

**Author's Note:**

> Did you read until the end ? If you did thank you so much and I hope you liked it and enjoyed reading it!  
I just want to say, I never dated anyone before, so all of this is from my imagination.  
Have a good day everyone ♥


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